So I'm looking at the absentee list a few days ago and I notice that Goth Girl, one of my kids from last year, is suspended for three days. Dang it! She'd been doing so well, coming by to tell me how much she liked her classes and her teachers, how she hadn't had a write-up yet, and how she was going to join the yearbook staff. So when Stoopid Boy came by (on his daily visit in the morning) I asked him what was up.
"Oh, she pantsed Goober Boy in Art."
Now Goober Boy was in my homeroom last year, and I also had him in the after school program and the chess and boardgame club. Nice kid, even if he could be a bit of a goober. We're talking skateboarder, long hair with bangs hanging in his eyes, and not exactly a fast mover. Or a quick thinker. But a nice kid whom I always liked. And I knew he was friends with Goth Girl so I figured there must have been some sort of horseplay going on.
I was explaining this to the team at lunch and we were trying to figure out exactly what happened to justify a three day suspension when Mrs. Art walked in. Ah-ha! Perfect timing so we ask Mrs. Art to elaborate. Mrs. Art begins giggling and shaking her head.
"I was really, really happy at how well Goth Girl was doing and hated to do that write up, but I really had to. You know how impulsive she is, and she also has trouble keeping her hands off the boys, but it's usually pretty innocent. Well, she decided to tug on Goober Boy's baggy pants and the problem was that they fell all the way down to the floor."
"And that's it?" we ask. This still doesn't sound like a 3 day suspension.
"Oh no, the real problem was that he didn't have any underwear on," says Mrs. Art. "I was practically blinded by the sight. We're talking the Full Monty."
Apparently it took Goober Boy a few long, slow seconds to realize that he'd apparently neglected to put on underwear, and when it finally dawned on him he proceeded to turn a brilliant shade of purpleish red as he tried to pull up his pants.
"I guess they gave Goth Girl the three days under a sexual harrassment violation," says Mrs. Art."
At this point the entire team is nearly weak-kneeded with laughter. Knowing these two kids as we do, we could only imagine the scene that Mrs. Art described. But she wasn't done.
"The best part is that Goober Boy comes to school today. With his underwear hanging out of the top of his pants. And a very large belt cinched very tight."
Gales of uncontrollable laughter.