Friday, September 22, 2017

A Little Trouble with Aim

There are times I feel like someone stole all the middle school kids and replaced them with elementary kids.

Make that lower elementary kids.

Today was one of those days.  I've been cursed blessed with four days of Whiny Boy's delightful presence.  He is one of the most immature seventh graders I have seen in a long, long while.  Truly.  And he whines so much that even his ordinary speech sounds like a whine.  And this is his third trip up to ISS and we've only been in school for six weeks.

I didn't have a large crowd today, just Whiny Boy and three others.  Which made it nice when we went in for our bathroom break because I didn't have to deal with impatient kids waiting on each other.  I just let the two boys and two girls go on in and I waited in the hallway for them to finish their business and line up along the lockers.

However.  One of the disadvantages of all the tile in the restrooms is that it amplifies the sounds.

A lot.

So I was standing there and I hear the 8th grade boy getting after Whiny Boy.  "Hey stop playing around over there."

Not something I want to hear, especially as we had a rash of bathroom vandalism last year.  I was about ready to yell in for Whiney Boy to settle down, do his business, and hurry up, when he yells back at the 8th grader.

"Hey, I was playing around and peed all over myself!" he yells back.

Did I mention that the sounds in the bathrooms are amplified?  And that Whiney Boy tends to talk loud anyway?

And that every kid in that part of the hallway with a hall pass stopped and looked back at the bathroom?  Even the girls, who had just finished up and were heading out of their own restroom stopped and stared.  I could almost picture the thought bubbles over everyone's head, "Did I really hear a kid say he peed on himself?"

Whiny Boy comes over and stands in the doorway, and sure enough there was a large wet stain down the front of his khaki shorts.

Oh dear Lord.  Really.

"Hey Mrs. Bluebird!  I was playing with my thing and I peed on myself!" he declared.  Loudly.

At this point, nearly every kid within ear shot was giggling.  I was having a hard time keeping a straight face and trying to figure out what to do with him.  I couldn't take him back to Our Happy Little Portable, and I was considering walking all four of my charges up to the front office to drop him off to make a phone call home.  Luckily, Mrs. SweetTea popped out of her office and I was able to flag her down.  Which was good because she's the one who put him out in my room in the first place.

"Mrs. SweetTea, would you be able to walk Whiny Boy up to the front to see about a change of clothes," I asked.  She looked confused and then looked at Whiny Boy.  And the look on her face was priceless.

"Well, I see we've had an accident," she said quietly.

"Yes, I was playing around and I peed all over myself," he again declares loudly.

"Well, let's not broadcast it to the world, and lets go get some clothes," she said as she lead him away, shaking her head.  "Honey, you probably need to stop playing with things and work a little more on having better aim," I heard her say as they walked off.

At that point we all lost it.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Mean Girls

Mean middle school girls annoy me.  And right now, I've got two of them in My Happy Little Portable.  And they're all up there for bullying other girls.


Apparently it all came to a head on Friday when we had the first back to school dance (I had a date night with Mr. Bluebird instead so wasn't there to witness the chaos fun.)  In any case, they got plopped in my room with a couple of pretty damning write ups, and an investigation was started.

These two girls, both of whom I've had before and believe me, they aren't all sweetness and light, are already professional victims.  They came in and whined and complained how it wasn't FAIR, and it WASN'T their fault, and everyone is making a big deal out of nothing, and it's just not FAIR, and they wanted to talk to The Enforcer RIGHT NOW, and on and on and on.

I told them no, they could not talk to The Enforcer. And no, they could not call their mommas as they've already been called when they got placed in My Happy Little Portable.  And no, I really wasn't concerned with if it was fair or not.

Life isn't fair.  Get used to it.

There were further incensed when I told them that they were not to sit near each other, talk to each other, or even look at each other as per my directions from admin.

Of course NONE of it is their FAULT and it's just STUPID.

Yeah, well, whatever.

And you know, I can see, perfectly, where they get this behavior.  They learn it at home.  Because Mean Girl #1's momma came huffing down to the office for a meeting with her homeroom teacher and Dr. Kindly, and Was Not Happy With The Result and DEMANDED that she have a meeting with The Enforcer.

I don't think she realizes who she's dealing with.

In the meantime, I'm just going to fill my diffuser with lavender oil think calm thoughts until these two high maintenance girls are out of my room.