And then there was the Minion

We had a nice fall break at the beginning of the month with warm weather and many of us headed out of town.  (I went to Colorado to visit Momma Bird who relocated there this past summer.  I had The List of Chores to do for her.  List completed...)

But back to school we went, and with it came a phone call one morning from The Enforcer.

Now that The Enforcer is the Principal, I don't talk to him as much as he's not working behavior referrals for the kids.  However, once in a while he gets involved with a kid issue and today was one of those days.

"So, Mrs. Bluebird, need your help.  I have this kid, a seventh grader, who just absolutely hates school, except for band.  Kid is falling apart, but he's borderline in a few classes.  Put him in study hall, but that didn't work due to the number of kids.  I've got his dad on the phone and we were wondering if you could take him under your wing one period a day and see if you can get some work out of him."

Oh here we go again.

Turns out I know the kid, he'd been in my room a few times last year, and there are days he'll work and then there are days he will Absolutely Freaking Refuse to do Anything He Does Not Want to Do.  At All.  He's also one of the rudest kid I've ever met which apparently is how The Enforcer met him.  He's one of the few kids I've ever heard who would talk back and buck up to The Enforcer And It Did Not Go Well for him.

I told The Enforcer that I wasn't going to make any promises, but I'd try.

He's a bit of an odd duck, a small kid, and very immature.  He reminds me of an 3rd grader in a lot of ways.  He cannot for the life of him figure out how to use a locker, can't get to class on time to save his life and loses things.  Which is why his parents got him these glasses that look like goggles that strap to his head.  And make him look like a Minion.

The Minion got his schedule changed and showed up in my class the next day.

"Mr. Guidance said I'm your aide," he declared when he came in and sat down in the seat I pointed out for him.  Right next to me.  (He was not happy.  I happen to know he dislikes me a lot - mainly because when I've had him before I've held him accountable.  He hates that)

"Well, actually it says aide, but you're here more for study hall.  And when my aides aren't working for me, they're doing their school work."

"It says I'm your aide," he repeated.

It was going to be one of those days.

The Minion has his moments.  He still has this idea that he's my aide and wanted to know why Honor Roll Kid, my regular aide, got to run errands in the building and he didn't.

"Because he has all his work done and has A's and B's," I said.

He pondered that for a few days and kept harping on why he didn't get to run errands.  Which is obviously something he wants to do.  So now we have a routine.  His teachers email me work for him to do, I give it to him, he does it, and then he gets to use the swipe card, go into the building, and deliver it to the teacher.  Whatever it takes to keep him working and happy.

He wanted to go to the book fair.  I told him he had to behave and get his work done.  He got his work done but then wanted to be disruptive and wave his arms and make faces at my regular customers so I told him he'd lost his chance to go to the book fair and he'd have to see if he could do better the next day.  He did and he got to go to the book fair.

Really, showing this kid rewards and consequences is pretty easy at this point.  He's still rude, still cranky, and still very strange with his big google eyeglasses strapped to his head.

And when he showed up in a yellow rain slicker the other day, looking EXACTLY like a Disney Minion, I about died...but so far, so good.

Going Three for Three and Dodging Mashed Potatos

It's been an interesting week in Our Happy Little Portable.

We're in the last week of the grading period and as such, I'm seeing quite a bit of activity.  Kids have racked up a lot of discipline points and write-ups and they're landing out with me.  And for most of them, it's their second or third visit.

This week we were blessed with The Tyrant.  This little guy is a sixth grader who came to us with a behavior file that boggled the mind.  He is a piece of work.  Has a hair trigger temper, refuses to do anything he does not want to do, and is angry with the world.

Oh yay.

The first day he was out with us I had to call Admin to come remove him as he would not be quiet, would not stay in his seat, and absolutely utterly refused to do his assignments (he'd throw them at me).  When Coach Cool asked him to get his backpack, he screamed "NO!" and went home with out it.

The second day was pretty much a repeat of the first but slightly better.  I didn't have to call to have him removed until later in the day.  (Keep in mind I rarely ever call to have a kid removed.  It's just not something I usually have issues with but this kid...well, he's something else.)

Today was our third - and thankfully, last - day with The Tyrant.  He was, amazingly, almost done with his work (even though it was crap) although he was getting very frustrated with math because he does not know his basic multiplication tables.

Today started out rough.  There was some police activity in the neighborhood so Coach Cool had me relocate my classroom from Our Happy Little Portable into the building, into a room across from the library.  We call it the reference room, but it's more like book storage combined with a meeting room.  In any case, I wheeled in my cart with emergency supplies, computers, and files and camped out there for the day.  It's not ideal, but it works.  I only had four boys this morning, including The Tyrant, so it probably wouldn't be too bad until they started adding kids (which they usually don't when we're in the building, they wait until the following day).

Mrs. Sweet, the library aide who takes the kids to lunch, arrived from the library and took them down to the cafeteria to pick up their lunches while I have my 30 minutes duty free lunch.  Ate lunch, checked our mail box for assignments, and headed back to our room, passing by the Librarian's desk.

And look across to see the lead custodian enter the room we were using with a bucket, rags, and a yellow "wet floor" sign.

"Oh crap," I asked her.  "What's going on with my kids?"

"That little blonde one you have?  He apparently lost his mind, started screaming at everyone, and started slinging mashed potatoes from his lunch all over MY room," The Librarian responded.  Oh she was MAD.  (And I don't blame her.)

I get to the room to find Mrs. Sweet and the Lead Custodian cleaning up the room, wiping down shelves, tables, chairs, and the rug.  (Which was going to have to be shampooed tonight apparently).

Mrs. Sweet stood up, "I honestly don't know what happened or what I did.  One minute he was fine, the next minute he's flipping the bird at the other kids, screaming and throwing mashed potatoes at them.  Or maybe he was aiming at me.  I really don't know.  But he threw them everywhere."

I assured her that she didn't do anything, that the Tyrant flips his lid at the slightest provocation and there isn't anything we can do about it.

"So where is he?" I asked.

"The Enforcer came and got him," she said.  "I had to call for an administrator before he tore the room apart."

Oh great.  The Enforcer.  Who is now The Principal.

So, I had the other kids write witness statements (more to keep them busy than anything else, but they LOVE witness statements) and pretty soon The Guidance Diva came by and told me that she'd just dropped The Tyrant's files off on The Enforcer's desk and that The Tyrant was perched on the arm of the chair like a little vulture waiting to pounce.

"That sounds like The Tyrant," I told her.  "Are they finally suspending him?"

"Finally," she said.  I'm sure his team will be delighted.  It's nearly a daily occurrence having to have him removed from a classroom, but we can't do anything until a behavior plan is in place as he's identified as special education."

Well, he went three for three in my room.  Three days in ISS, Three days removed from ISS.

And then there was the mashed potatoes.

Seriously.  You can't make this stuff up.

Two days until break.

8 Weeks and Counting

Eight weeks into the first grading period.

And we still don't have a seventh grade science teacher.

But we do have a rather busy parade of substitute teachers, bless each and every one of them.

There are no applicants in the pool who are qualified and/or want the job.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning.

A Family Affair

Today.

Nine kids total.

Three were sixth graders.

All with the same father.

All with different mothers.

Sigh.

Another View on Why Teachers are Leaving the Profession

As most of you know, we started the school year at The School, with two unfilled teaching positions.  We are nearly finished with our first nine weeks grading period and we just, finally, filled one of the positions (a special education slot dealing with our kids with emotional and behavior issues) but the seventh grade science position is still open.  Rumor has it there may be a candidate for it, but nothing concrete at this point.

So, I got to wondering if it was just my district (my building isn't the only one with open teaching positions) or the State, or what.  So I started cruising some of the educational blogs and websites I read and stumbled across this gem.

You must read these.

Teaching, a Love Story...Part 1

Teaching, a Love Story...Part 2

Teaching, a Love Story...Part 3

Teaching, a Love Story...Part 4

I basically want to find this woman and hug her and scream, "Yes!  What she said!" because she freaking NAILED IT.

Read these.  Read them now.

Full Circle - Or When Your Big Brother Kicks Your Ass

About ten years ago I had a kid who just tore my room apart with his behavior.  He was a mess.  Smart as hell, but mouthy, and lazy and just off the chart disruptive.  He spent a lot of time in ISS and suspended and generally broke my heart because I knew he had it in him to be more than he was.

And then he went to high school, joined JROTC and it changed his life.  His sophomore year he came back and apologized to me and his other teachers for being such a jerk when we had him (and that, my friends, in 14 years, is the only kid who has done that).  We've kept in touch, mainly through FaceBook, and now he's in the military, engaged to a nice girl, and is doing great.  The turnaround was remarkable.

In any case, last week, I got a call from Principal Cool that an 8th grader was coming my way for the day and I recognized the last name and realized it was my former student's little brother.  When I opened the door and took one look at him, there was no doubt.  They are dead ringers for each other.

"So you must be Former Brat's little brother," I say when I introduce myself.  "I had him about ten years ago when I was teaching science."

"Oh he was horrid, wasn't he?" Little Brother said.  "I remember my parents always getting on him for stuff in school.  He's in New York now,  He's in the Army" he volunteered.

So I get Little Brother processed, get him to his station, he gets out his work (a much better student than his big brother was, I noted) and he gets to work after we talk a bit about why he was there and how his grades were doing.

And then I sent Former Brat a message telling him that his little brother had landed in my room.  I figured he was at work, but thought he'd read it at lunch or something.

Ten minutes later, my phone dings.  I look at the screen.  "What's your phone number?" was what it said.

Oh boy.  Someone is gonna get a phone call.  I texted it back and five minutes later the phone rings.

"Hey, Mrs. Bluebird, it's Former Brat," he says. (It still cracks my up how my boys voices change so much after seventh grade).

"Well, gosh, it's nice to hear from you.  Just wish it hadn't been under these circumstances," I respond.

"Can I talk to Little Brother please?" he says.

"Of course," I say, and I hand Little Brother the phone.

The look on his face was priceless.  The look on the other kids' faces was nearly as good as you could almost read their minds.  (Crap!  She knows his older brother?  Wonder if she knows mine?)

Little Brother then spent about ten minutes on the phone getting his ass chewed out by his big brother (whom it was quite apparent he idolizes).  He was not enjoying the conversation at all.  At the end he handed it back to me.

"He wants to talk to you," he said.

So we chatted a bit, he wanted me to text him a report at the end of the day about Little Brother, and said our goodbyes.

I looked at Little Brother.

"Got your butt chewed, eh?" I said.

"Yeah," he responded.  "You didn't hear that did you?  Because if you did, I'm sorry.  He drops the F-bomb a lot,"

"No, we didn't hear that," I assured him.

"Are you gonna tell him I was good?" he asked.

"Maybe.  Depends on if you are or not."

"I'm gonna be," he said.  "He's gonna call Dad tonight, too."

Little Brother was awesome.  Former Brat got a text.  I even told Little Brother, on his way out the door at the end of the day, that he was a lot better than Former Brat ever had been.

That earned me a smile, and dang, if he didn't look just like his older brother with that big toothy grin!

Why No One Wants to Teach

So Yellow Rose posted a comment (Hi there! Yellow Rose!) about my previous post about substitute teaching, money, testing and silliness in general.   And her comment was right on target:

"So is Awesome Sub not interested in the full-time job, or does she not have the paper qualifications to get on full-time?  She sounds ideal."

The answer is....both.

Awesome Sub was pretty much offered the job as long as she took the Praxis and passed.  It was her's for the taking.

Except she really didn't want it.

Awesome Sub and I talked quite a bit over the few weeks she was here, and she really was awesome.  But she felt completely overwhelmed.   She had a Fifth Period Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself (if I know most of the kids in the class from their stints in ISS as sixth graders, then you know it's a tough bunch).  And it was a class of 36.  And it was an inclusion class.  And even with an aide in there, They Would Not Be Quiet and Behave.  She told me the only time they got quiet was when I was in there and threatened to haul the lot of them off to ISS for several days.

And that was just the beginning.  She was overwhelmed by the time spent planning, and in meetings, and grading papers, and prepping for labs, and generally just all the things that go into being a teacher these days.  And she has her own middle school son and felt that she wasn't being the Mother to her own kid that she wanted, and he was being short-changed because of all the time she put into her job.

So she's actually applied for an Aide position, which is a lot less stress, and would still give her a steady paycheck and benefits.  And she can leave at 2:30 and take her own kid to his soccer games, and out to dinner after when they suffer a loss and he's upset, and help him do his homework.

I have noticed a trend the past few years with some of our staff - and I don't think our school is unique in this by any measure. Many teachers are leaving because the cost to stay is just too high in terms of emotional well-being.

One of our best sixth grade language arts teachers, who had rock star test scores, decided she had had enough and quit to stay home and being a mom to her kids.  She and her husband realize that money will be significantly tighter than when she was working, but now, instead of grading papers all night, she's spending time with her own kids.

Another rising star math teacher quit a few years ago and is now installing fencing.  He blames the hours and time put into his teaching job as a contributing factor in the break up of his marriage.  Now he has half the stress, makes about the same amount of money, and is able to spend a lot of time with his little girls.

I even had some serious thoughts about leaving myself a few years ago.  I was leaving school every day at 6:00 pm, spending all day Saturday grading and prepping, and was constantly being told it wasn't enough.  When I started teaching, lesson plans were written in a 3" square block in a lesson plan book.  Now we not only need weekly plans, typed, but daily plans, also typed,  which are so scripted they explain exactly what you're going to do and say during every minute of class - and can run to two pages long.  The hours, the stress, the pressure to get those almighty test scores was tremendous.

And along the way we forgot that these were kids, and not test scores.

If I hadn't been given the gift of ISS, I probably would be out of the profession by now.  I have a degree in business, and can run an office with one hand tied behind my back, so finding a job outside of the profession was feasible.  I was at the point where something had to give.

And then I was given ISS and decided to stay.  At least for a while.

Is It About the Kids or About Saving Money?

As you may have read, we currently have an opening for a seventh grade science position.  We are also heading into our fifth week of school and this position is unfilled.  This is a pretty big district, and they recruit heavily throughout the state and even go to job fairs Up North and elsewhere, but we still do not have a single applicant in the pool who is qualified and/or wants the job.

Which means, we've been skipping along using substitute teachers.  And yes, that's plural.

Our substitute program was brought in-house a few years ago, so the subs are now employees of the District.  Employees, yes, but without benefits.  And that's the way the District wants to keep it.  And since we have Obama Care, which would require the District to pay for their health insurance should they be considered full-time, the District has decided that substitutes can only work for 20 days before they have to take some time off.  I'm not sure how long they have to take off, however. 

So, at the beginning of the year, we had Mrs. Awesome Sub in for the seventh grade science position and man, she busted her tail and did a great job.  I would go and help her when I could, especially those first few days when I didn't have kids, and she was a gem.

And she had to leave after 20 days.

So then they got another sub.  I've never seen this man in the building before, but bless his heart, he should be home enjoying retirement and not dealing with obnoxious seventh graders.  He appeared to be in his 80's.  And as soon as I saw him, I knew that the kids on that team (who have been frequent flyers with me already) would chew him up and spit him out.  Which they did. I think he made it through one day.  

And now we're on to our third sub who actually retired from our building a few years ago because of the stress,  He's a great guy, a veteran, and he doesn't take any crap from the kids.  But like he said, if the stress gets too bad, he'll have to leave too.

So it begs the question...since school districts live, eat and breathe on test scores (as stupid as it is, that's the reality), wouldn't it make sense to have a good, qualified, substitute in there for the long haul, as opposed to changing them up every 20 days?  

But apparently that's not important.  Saving money is.

Kicking and Screaming

So one of my three readers asked me how I liked ISS and if I thought I'd go back to the regular classroom anytime soon.

Let me put it this way....we have a an opening, still, for a seventh grade science teacher.  It is currently being filled by substitutes because we cannot find anyone who is either qualified or who wants the job (I am so not kidding here).

I live in absolute fear that they will want me to go back to teaching seventh grade science and leave our Happy Little Portable.

So far, I don't think that's going to happen because I've got ISS running like a well-oiled machine and I'm actually pretty good at what I do.  And not everyone has the temperament to put up with the kids that tear apart other people's classrooms.  But still, a little part of me is praying every night that they find a teacher for that position and they never ask me to leave ISS.

I got into teaching to work with kids, and it's a lot easier to do that when there aren't 35 of them trying to get your attention.,  And when you're stuck with them for an entire day (or two, or three, or...).  And I do good with the kids that are less than perfect.  Not sure why that is, but maybe it's because I'm a bit of a snarky bitch and I have a pretty infantile sense of humor.

Regardless.  I love ISS.  I don't want to leave.  It's a great gig.  Sure, there are things that can be annoying.  Like teachers who don't send work, kids who don't get with my program, and air conditioners that don't work, but I also don't have to grade papers or do lesson plans.

Let's face it, I get to hang out with some pretty entertaining kids all day long.  And that's kinda fun.

So if they ask me to go back to seventh grade science, I will, because I'm a good soldier.  But believe me, I'll be kicking and screaming when I do.

Another Little Bird for My Nest

So last week the Enforcer came into our Happy Little Portable along with a little seventh grade girl.  What was odd was that he was simply showing her around the portable, acting like a tour guide,.  Usually when an administrator brings a kid out, they're madder than hell, and then they're dropped off.  The Enforcer introduced me to her and she was all sweet and bubbly and they left.

Okay that was weird.

About a half hour later the Enforcer called and filled me in what that little visit was about.  Apparently the young lady suffers from some major debilitating migraines to the point that she missed over 50 days of school last year and was eventually home bound.  She wants to be in school however (I mean, heck, she's a seventh grade girl...it's their social milieu) but we needed a plan.  Middle school noise is too much for her and the florescent lights aren't much better.  And she needs a place to catch up on work when she manages to make it back.

And so, the idea was to take her out to my room, which is usually pretty quiet, and to see if that was an environment she could deal with.  It was apparently, so they asked if I wouldn't mind having her come to my room during during homeroom, 1st and 2nd periods, and whenever she felt a headache coming on.  Considering she's quiet, a straight A student, and perfect, she's a nice little addition to our Happy Little Portable.  The best part is I put her in a station I NEVER put kids.  It's dark, in the corner, and the way the cubbies are built, it's impossible to see who is there without standing up and actually looking.  She can be there with her head down (which she sometimes has to do due to the headaches) or working and none of my regular customers are none the wiser.

So now I have a Sweet Little Bird as an addition to the nest.

I only hope she can manage to work in there when my regular customers start acting like idiots.

The Hatchling Shows His True Feathers

Well, I may not be seeing the Hatchling again.  Which is fine with me.  Yet another example of why I should keep my mouth closed and not volunteer for anything.

He did pretty well this week until today.  Well if you can discount the battle over gum, kicking his desk, not doing work, and lying.  My favorite was when he decided he wanted to move his desk so i couldn't see him behind a partition.  Not going to work buddy. He didn't want me watching him and by golly I was going to watch him.

Today was yet another day.  Came in with gum.  Told him to spit it out.  He didn't (he faked it) and then I busted him out and he lied and FINALLY spit it out.  (I'm usually not such a gum freak but it was a wad that made him look like he had chewing tobacco in and he snapped it which is aggravating.  And I have carpet.)  Said he didn't have any work.  Had him show me his agenda where he had written "nothing" for all his classes.  Sadly he apparently is one of those kids who don't seem to think that teachers actually talk with each other and I mentioned that I happened to know for a fact that he had science and social students homework.

"No I don't," he said.

"Really?  That's not what your teachers said when they emailed me earlier."

"But it's done."

"Show me."

He brought it up and it was, of course, not finished.  Not even started.  Told him he needed to do it.  He didn't have a book.  One of my regular kids was using my copy of the book so I sent him in the building to his locker to get his social studies book.  So he got his science book.  (This kid isn't stupid by any means...sneaky and very capable of doing things so he doesn't have to do what you want him to.)

So since he brought his science, he worked on that.  But instead of that, he decided to mess with the globe on the shelf above his desk.  Then he kicked at his desk.  And then he carved the word "savage" into the wall of the cubicle next to him.

"Well that's interesting," I said when I saw the vandalism.  "Did you do that?"  

"Yes," he admitted.  

"Oh good, well, let's get a picture," I said as I took out my phone.  At that point, once I was photographing it, he decided that maybe he didn't do it.  By this time I was done playing his games, had my own kids to deal with, and just walked away and wrote him up for vandalism.  He kicked at his desk for the remaining 15 minutes.  The other kids ignored him best they could.  

I did tell the Guidance Goober and Coach Cool that I was done.  I didn't want him back.  He is too high maintenance for me to deal with him every second of the time he's there to make sure he's not into something he shouldn't be, talking back, engaging my own kids, whatever.  And even though he's supposed to act as an aide, I don't trust him unsupervised in the building.  He lies too much.  And after spending quite a few hours this summer repainting the cubicles, I didn't appreciate the vandalism.  My busiest times of the day are in the morning and in the afternoon when I'm processing kids and their work in and out of ISS.  I don't have an aide this year in the afternoon to help me, and I just don't need the additional aggravation.

Not sure what the final result will be, but Coach Cool pulled him off the bus and was marching him to the front office last I saw.

So this is what happens when you open your mouth in a meeting.  I think I'm done volunteering for a while.

When Your Behavior Defies Logic

So T, my kid who can't say his own name, was in my class for disrespect.Which isn't all that unusual with our population.  There are some mouthy, rude kids out there.

But you have to wonder about a brand new sixth grader who decides to get lippy with Coach Mean, all 6'5", 300 lbs of him.  Seriously, this guy is huge and he never, ever cracks a smile. And this was the teacher T decided to get rude with.

Makes you wonder about T's common sense or lack thereof.  He obviously doesn't have a strong sense of survival.

Anyhow, T was in there this week with my group of 7th grade trouble makers and had a real difficult time following directions.  He did fine the first day, but by the second day, every time I told him to do something I got the eye roll, the "Ohmygod", and back talk. This wasn't going to fly.  And I noticed he didn't have his contract turned in so I decided to pull out the big guns.

I called Momma.

In front of everyone.

So I got Momma on the phone and asked about the contract, which she claimed to have never seen.  I informed her that it needed to be signed and returned so he could get out of ISS and she asked me to send another one.  I then casually mentioned that I was having a problem with T's rudeness and disrespect and was considering adding an additional day to his time in ISS.

Stunned silence out of every other kid in the portable as they were all listening and you could almost see the thought bubbles above their heads..."Oh shit, she's called his mom and now she may be adding extra days!"

Momma wanted me to put T on the phone, which I gladly did.  And then I could hear her yelling at him for about five minutes.  The rest of the kids pretended not to be listening and acted like they were doing work, but you know what they were focused on!

He finally gave me the phone back.  Momma told me to expect an apology and she wanted me to text her at the end of the day to ensure I got it and to let me know how he behaved.

I got my apology, he shut up, and was perfect.  The other kids spent the rest of the day acting a little nervous, wondering when their mother wasn't going to get called.

Gotta love it.

P. S.  Since I was asked...T and Hatchling, although both sixth graders, are two different boys.

The Hatchling Pops an Attitude

So my little Hatchling had a pretty good week until Wednesday.  He'd been coming to our class sixth period, ran the very few errands I had for him, and showed me a completed agenda with his work complete.  No attitude, was fairly quiet, did his thing.  However, I was starting to worry a bit that this kid never seemed to have work so emailed his teachers to find out if he was missing anything.

He did have some incomplete work from School Dad (who runs our in house alternative school and who is big and bald and scary and coaches football and is a fantastic math teacher).  School Dad is doing a related arts class for our top behavior problems in all three grades to teach them how to "do School" and my Hatchling, with his record, is in one.  Hatchling is NOT happy about this.

On Thursday, Hatching came and brought his attitude with him.  By this time I was starting to get my Seventh grade trouble makers and it was a bit more chaotic in there than the Hatchling was used to.  So of course he wanted to talk to them, and then got snippy when I told him he couldn't.

He then got to work on a word search for School Dad, and wasn't happy when I gave him some incomplete work School Dad had put in my box.

"I did that," Hatchling said.

"Oh really?  Then why was it given back to me?  It doesn't look done?"  I asked.

"I did that.  They're lying if they said I didn't."  He replied.

Oh great.  He's having one of THOSE days.

And it went on from there.  He insisted that he technically wasn't in ISS (I silently said "yet") so he didn't have to follow ISS rules.  This was his study hall so he could do what he wanted.  He also hated being here and wanted to be back in regular study hall with the aide that he clashed with the 2nd day of school.  (Yeah, right, lets see how that works, kid).  He was going to start skipping and didn't care if that means he got a write up and got sent to alternative school.  And it went on from there.

I basically ignored him, especially as he wasn't loud about it, and let him keep whining and complaining.  Whatever.  I sent a message to Guidance Goober and was asked to document all of this, which I did.  I was thrilled when the bell rang and the Hatchling went back to his homeroom to annoy them.

So imagine my surprise at Open House when there's a knock on my door and I answer it to see the Hatchling and his dad on my doorstep.

Seriously.  Hatching was perfect.  Dad said he'd heard from all the other teachers that I'd offered to help him out and wanted to meet me and thank me.  Had a nice visit.  I showed Hatching his new desk which he claimed to like a lot better (in the far reaches of my room where I can still keep an eye on him, but he won't bother anyone, I hope).  Dad was happy.

I didn't see Hatchling on Friday because he got dismissed, but I ran into School Dad who informed me that Hatchling is being HORRID in his class so he was setting up a parent meeting with all involved for Friday.  I can't wait.

Call Me T

So the other day I got my very first sixth grader, a boy with a first name that held 17 letters, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to say it.  Seriously.  I've seen some crazy names over the years, but this one defied all laws of phonics.

So, I sat down with my newcomer and went through my orientation to ISS with him, and asked him what he went by (because I was thinking no way kids could say this name).

"Call me T," he said.

"Okay, good, I can do that.  But out of curiosity, just how do you say your name?" I asked.

He giggled.  "I don't know," he said.

Really.

You can't make this shit up.

The Insanity of Seventh Grade Boys

We managed to finally get back to Our Happy Little Portable after about the fifth time the district AC guys came down and FINALLY fixed our AC.  They also finally fixed the AC in the core part of the building.  Not sure what the hold up was (I have my suspicions but I will be nice) but it's nice that it's finally done.

And I didn't even get the stupid mobile hung up yet.

In any case, I've been busier than I expected with seventh graders.  Oddly, I haven't had a single 8th grader yet (and the 8th grade teachers are exclaiming with much joy about how awesome this group of 8th graders is which is beyond strange considering their horrible behavior as 7th graders).  And I have one 6th grader which, considering how they are clamping down on the Sixth Grade Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself, is not surprising.  They aren't giving them much time to get in trouble.

Seventh grade however, is in rare form.

I have had not one, not two, but three pairs of boys who apparently can't behave at lunch and try to start fights with each other.  So it's a juggling act remembering who can't be by who and who got in a fight with who and so forth.  But being boys, after about a day or two they're okay with each other.  If it were girls, that would be another story.  But still, apparently there's something going on with seventh grade lunch, and in particular, with this team of kids.  Mr. Math has his hands full with this bunch because all of them have come from his team.

And they're a high maintenance, squirmy, bunch, and shock of shocks, I know most of them because they landed with me in sixth grade.

I have them with me through Monday.  And then they'll be off, back to their classes.  But I have a feeling I'll be seeing all of them again. Soon.

When You Feel the Sweat Rolling Down Your Back

I am usually a cheerful, friendly and agreeable person.  However, when the AC unit in my portable goes out, and the repair guys come out and give me some nonsense about how it's my fault because I don't have a mobile or something hanging from the ceiling to move and keep the unit on (which is complete and total nonsense), I get cranky.

Really cranky.

So cranky that I might have gotten a bit snippy.  Because, you see, Daddy Bird was a pretty freaking good handyman and I know a thing or two about how things work.  And I know that these two repair guys were feeding me a load of manure.

Repair Guy One tells me "The problem is the AC goes off because there isn't enough movement here.  You need to hang a mobile or something that will move around and it won't go off."

"So you're saying there has to be movement in the room?  You do realize this is an ISS classroom?  That the kids sit and do their work and aren't jumping around?"

Blank Stares.

"And how come it worked fine last year without a mobile?  And I could leave for the weekend and come back and it was at the correct temperature and no one was in here moving around then.  And how come it's set at 72 degrees and it's 87 in the portable?"

"Well if you moved around more," Repair Guy Two attempts.

"Really?  That's your best answer?  It's blowing out HOT air," I snipped.

"Well, a mobile would help," Repair Guy One insists.

At this point I realized that I'd have better luck talking with my shoes, so I stomped in to see Coach Cool and informed him of what they said.  His response?  "That's nonsense."

Exactly.

So another work order was issued, because it was 87 degrees in there, and the repair guys apparently snuck out and around the building, hoping to bypass Our Amazing Secretary who was going to make damn certain sure that an administrator was around when they worked on my AC unit.  (I have lost track of how many times they've been out - they were out twice on Monday, however, and kept insisting they'd fixed it.  Our Amazing Secretary told them "No you haven't, get out there and get it done!", hence their fear of her.)

So today, I went out at lunch (my kids and I were in a temporary room inside the building which was damned inconvenient) and I noticed that the back door was ajar, and I walked up and felt cool air. Someone was about.  I went inside, notified Coach Cool, and he radioed the Lead Custodian and the Enforcer that we needed someone out there to make sure they were actually fixing the damn thing and not going on and on about some stupid mobile.

At 2:30 it was 72 degrees.

So, I'm not holding my breath - yet - but let's hope that they finally got tired of coming out and actually did their JOB and fixed the damn thing.

We shall see tomorrow morning.

Mrs. Bluebird Gets a Hatchling

If you've been reading (hey, thanks!) you may have noticed that I mentioned that we had The Sixth Grade Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself this year.  From what admin had observed last spring when they went out to our feeder schools to actually see what all the commotion was about, these kids don't know how to "do school".  Not sure why or how, but these bunch doesn't seem to get it when it comes to following rules and basic school functions.  How they managed to make it to sixth grade without figuring this out - or being taught and reinforced over and over again - I have no idea.  But truthfully, they are a handful.  Last year I didn't really see many sixth graders until the second nine weeks, and even then it was rare.  This year, my first customers will most likely be sixth (or seventh) grade.  (For some reason I'm not hearing a peep about the 8th graders.  Maybe that bunch grew up a lot over the summer).

On Thursday, the SECOND full day of school, one of Mrs. Eagle's sixth graders had a Really Really Bad Day.  One write up in his homeroom, another write up from Mrs. Eagle who had to have him removed.  And another write up from Mrs. Study Hall who had him removed as well.  Mom and Dad got three phone calls that day.  From what Mrs. Eagle told me, this kid was just HORRID.  Came in with a bad attitude and it didn't get any better.  Rude, disrespectful, noisy, disruptive, you name it.

As one of the games we all seem to play at the beginning of the year is "Guess Who Will Be the First Customer in ISS", many people were putting their money on this kid.  (No we aren't really gambling, that's a figure of speech).

In any case, I was in guidance on Friday (because it was 86 in my portable) and the Guidance Goober asked me to attend a meeting with this kid's team since chances are I'd be seeing him shortly.  No problem.  So Mr. Cool (who is now an Assistant Principal), Guidance Goober, and the team and I got together and figured out a few things.  One, mom and dad are supportive of anything we are willing to do to help their kid.  Mom even apologized and took the blame for the melt-down day as she and her son had been arguing before school and that set him off.  Two, this kid has good days and bad days.  Thursday was bad.  Friday was fantastic (it was like a different kid).  Three, he has never excelled academically (which is why he was in academic study hall).

So, what we had was a kid who needed to get turned around and turned around pretty quick.  And the last thing he needed was to go back to Study Hall because the aide that runs it is not warm and fuzzy and quite honestly, has been known to really go off on kids.  And adults.  And everyone.  Maybe it's the migraines.  Whatever.  Doesn't matter.  What matters is that he really needed a more supportive environment.

Guidance Goober suggested he spend both of his related arts with Coach Math who is running a "how to behave in school and not get in trouble" class for our high level at-risk kids.  But this kid didn't need two periods of this, because face it, he needed academic help too.

So I opened my big mouth and said I'd take him.

You should have seen the look of relief on Guidance Goober's and Coach Cool's faces.

"He can come to me sixth period for a study hall and act as my student aide as well," I said.  "That way he can get help with his work and feel like he has an important role."  In addition, it was decided that if he felt he was having a bad morning, he'd let his homeroom teacher know and he could come out to Our Happy Little Portable to work and pull himself together until he felt he could go back to class.

So, about twenty minutes later I picked up Hatchling in guidance, and Guidance Goober and I told him what was up and he seemed pretty excited.  I took him out to Our Happy Little Portable, sat with him a bit and talked about things.  (He is motivated by Skittles and realizes he has issues).  He seemed like a pretty cool kid who just hates school.  We went by Mrs. Eagles class as we toured the building and she had a great talk with him.  He was awesome.  The only thing he really wanted from Mrs. Eagle was for her to call dad and tell him he had a good day, which she did after school.

So I have a Hatchling sixth period, a little one to tuck under my wing.

We shall see how this goes...

Squealing and Groaning, and No, It's Not Me.

My air conditioning unit in Our Happy Little Portable went out last Friday and it reached the lovely temperature of 94 degrees in there by the time I left.  Emailed our Lead Custodian and he did a work order and off I went to enjoy my weekend.

Monday when I went in, it was nice and cool again.  Yay!

I assumed it had been repaired over the weekend.  It had not.  It had, somehow, fixed itself.  (You can't make this up).

On Tuesday I opened the door again and it was cool!  Yay!  The kids weren't at school on Tuesday so it was Work in Your Room Day, so there I was, working in my room, when I started to hear the whistles.  Or I thought they were whistles.  And I was thinking "okay, we don't have kids so why do I hear the coaches blowing their whistles?"

And then I realized it was the AC unit making squealing and whistling noises.  Loudly.

Emailed Lead Custodian again.  He amended the work order.

Wednesday - coolness and squealing.  But still, cool.

Thursday - coolness and squealing.  But now we added in groaning.  Actually, I thought I was hearing trash trucks back by the cafeteria.  But it went on and on and on and I realized, after a walk around Our Happy Little Portable and a peek by the cafeteria where there was not a trash truck in sight, that it was - surprise! - my AC unit.

My 2nd Period student aide, Engineer Boy (this kid will tear anything apart and put it back together just to keep from being bored) and I used my iPhone to videotape the unit making squealing and groaning noises.  We sent the video to Lead Custodian.

And then the repair guy showed up (nearly a week after it first went out).  Honestly, he was a truly nice guy and gave me some tips about dealing with temperature issues in an old portable with minimal insulation.  However.  As luck would have it, that damn AC unit not only pumped out cold air, it didn't make a single groan or squeal the entire time he was there.  It ran like a charm!!  He couldn't find anything wrong, obviously, but said to let him know if it went out again.

I opened the door this morning and it was 82 degrees; the thermostat was on 73 and the air coming in was hot.

But hey, it wasn't squealing or groaning!

Off And Running...And the First Day that Almost Wasn't

The first half day of school was Monday and, but all measures, it went pretty well.

The AC in my portable was working again and instead of being 92, it was 76 which was a huge improvement.  However, I was informed that the work order hadn't even been assigned yet so it hadn't been fixed.  Really?  Really.  And as luck would have it, although it's keeping Our Happy Little Portable nice and comfy, it's squealing.  A lot.  So it's being rather noisy and I suspect it's on its last legs.  Which makes opening the door every morning a bit more exciting than normal.  Will it be hot?  Will it be cool?  Will it be squealing?  Who knows?

I walked into guidance where my role was to help put out fires, only to be asked by The Enforcer if I'd go get the year started in 7th grade science by helping the sub out.  We still have that position open (Anyone want to teach 7th grade science?  Anyone?). So, since this was my 14th First Day of School, and I Have This Stuff Down, I went in and helped the Awesome Sub.

But of course the technology was being stupid.  So Mr. Math next door, who has spare computer parts like most people have spare pencils, found us a longer cable so we could attach directly to the projector in the ceiling and were able to broadcast the required videos and power points.  The Guidance Goober even came by with speakers.  And over all, the homeroom class of these kids was awesome.  Great kids.  I only knew two of them which is a good sign.  So not a bad first day.  The hardest part was staying awake during the mandatory human resources training after lunch on blood-borne pathogens and accounting procedures.

So then on Tuesday it was teacher in service day - don't ask why we open with a half day, have a planning day, then start with a full schedule the next day.  I have no idea why.  It's just how it's done. And I basically spent the day in my room getting a bit more organized, and helping out folks that needed it.

And then last night we had an electrical storm.  And lightning hit central office.  And caused a fire. And ruined servers and communication equipment.

So we get a phone call from The District that says we may not have school  - the first full day - because we had no phones, no internet, no way to manage the buses, and a gazillion other things.  We were all told to wait for a phone call in the morning.

But our tech folks are amazing, they worked all night, and we had our first full day.  Granted, the internet was a bit slow, but other than that, not too bad.

My role?  Pop in and out of the 7th grade science, and help where needed.  I took more kids to the nurse and to their classrooms than I ever thought possible.

But hey, I still don't have any customers.  Which is amazing.  Because last year by 10:45 I already had a kid in ISS.

Last Hurrah!

So the kids come tomorrow for a half day and it promises to be interesting.

For one, we've got a lot of brand spanking new teachers, plus new administrators, open positions, and supposedly the Sixth Grade Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself.

Oh, and I have no AC in my Happy Little Portable.

Since I don't have a homeroom, my job, usually, on the first day of school is to hang out in Guidance and help out - running new schedules and emergency cards to teachers, taking new kids to their rooms, that sort of thing.  The Enforcer (our new Principal, thank God) informed me and one other teacher who doesn't have a homeroom, that he may need us, as certified teachers, to fill a couple of classrooms if he can't get a substitute lined up.  Truly, the first day of school and we still have open positions.

Know any science teachers who want to teach 7th grade?  Seriously, the applicant pool is empty.  And we need teachers. (I could do a LONG post about my theory on why they aren't any applicants, but that's a post for another time...)

And something new this year...The Enforcer is making a slight tweak to our morning.  Usually kids get off the buses and the 6th graders go to the gym, the 7th graders go to the theater, and the 8th graders (who know the school well by now, we hope) go to the 8th grade hallway, find their homeroom on the lists posted, and go there.  What this means is the gym and the theater, full of 6th and 7th graders, is NOISY.  These kids are all bouncing off the walls, wanting to talk to their friends, but usually end up yelling because everyone is talking to their friends...it's pretty ugly.

This year there will be no talking.  The Enforcer is expecting the kids to come in, sit down, and be quiet.  He's setting a tone for the year (probably because of the Sixth Grade Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself).

This will be a very interesting day.